Do you ever feel like some apologies are taken better than others? Or has someone ever apologized to you but you still walked away feeling frustrated and hurt? We are here to provide the tools to properly apologize to anyone by using the 5 languages of apology! We recorded an entire podcast episode on this topic (# 21) which you can listen to wherever you get podcasts. Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to get all new episodes, out every Wednesday.
Apologizing -- it comes with the territory of being human. We all have apologized or been the recipient of one but did you know not all apologies are created equal? As individuals, we have our own preferred language of apology. This is the language in which we use to apologize to others and what we look for in a genuine apology offered to us. This is based on the book When Sorry Isn't Enough, by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. In the book, they lay out the 5 languages of apology. There are elements to each one that we are going to talk about right now.
1. EXPRESSING REGRET
This entails the person apologizing to express regret over what they've done to us. To people with this as their apology language, that's the most important component of the apology. As the one being apologized to in this way, you'd feel they're expressing the shame and guilt they feel for hurting you.
2. ACCEPTING RESPONSABILITY
This would mean the person apologizing admits they were wrong and take responsibility for the role they played in the situation. To genuinely apologize, you'd have to take responsibility without attempting to then make excuses or justify yourself.
3. MAKING RESTITUTION
To make restitution to the person who was wronged, they want to know you still love them. For them to feel you offered a sincere apology, you need to make up for hurting them by filling them up with their Love Language. (We also did an episode about the 5 Love Languages in ep. 8.). Essentially you're replenishing what you took when you hurt them.
4. GENUINELY REPENT
For this one you'd have to not only provide a genuine apology but also express a willingness to change your behavior going forward in similar situations. You need to verbalize a desire to change and set realistic goals for how you're going to achieve them.
5. REQUEST FORGIVENESS
In this case, you're asking for forgiveness and leaving it in their hands. It's about requesting forgiveness, not demanding it.